A Property Manager's Christmas

Don’t you just love it…Christmas time in property management-land.

Just hear those sleigh bells jingling,

ring ting tingling too

Come on, it's lovely weather

for a sleigh ride together with you

Call me Scrooge but as a property manager the thought of Christmas is one of dread!

Firstly, there is an un-written law that states hot water services burst on Christmas Eve and another one that says the tenant advises you of this minor mishap between 5.00pm and 5.15pm. Why? They have been too busy with their Christmas festivities to let you know any earlier and now they are wanting to know what you’re going to do about it? You feel like telling them….

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,

Let your heart be light

From now on,

Your troubles will be out of sight.

But you can’t. You’ll ring your plumber (who has been attending the plumbers’ Christmas Party and is speaking Swahili to you on the phone) and beg him to get down to the property. He’ll agree (at least, that’s what you think he’s doing), promptly go back to another Christmas stubby and forget all about it.

Then on Christmas morning, when all the kids and grand-kids are opening their presents, you get a call from a very unpleasant and highly agitated tenant demanding that his problem is fixed….and straight away. There’s no reasoning with this person or saying he wouldn’t have the problem if he’d called when it occurred. No, he wants action and action now!

The second un-written law of a property manager’s Christmas is that the tenant, who is 2 weeks behind with his rental payments, decides that it’s far more important to buy his 7 year old daughter, Fifi Trixibelle a 50 inch flat-screen HD television set and his 5 year old son, Moon Unit (just guess the type of music these morons listen to) a Kona Hei Hei Full Suspension Bike (look them up and see how much you can pay for a push-bike….and for a 5 year old!)

Here comes Santa Claus!

Here comes Santa Claus!

Right down Santa Claus Lane!

He's got a bag that is filled with toys

for the boys and girls again.

Hear those sleigh bells jingle jangle,

What a beautiful sight.

Jump in bed, cover up your head,

'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight

What’s most disturbing is that the Tribunal is closed for the Christmas period and is not re-opening to dispense justice to these people who believe that absurd Christmas gifts for their kids are more important than putting a roof over their heads.

Go figure.

What I also thoroughly dislike about a property managers’ Christmas is that you don’t get any time off. Everyone else does.

The solicitors all close down for weeks at a time as they believe crime doesn’t happen over the Christmas / New Year period.

All the tradespeople down tools and head off to tradies holiday-land to drive their jet skis and ride their mountain bikes as if there’ll be no problem with maintenance of any kind while they’re away.

Your salespeople are all on annual leave because nobody buys property at this time of year but just in case, Myrtle the newest team member is left holding the fort.

I used to work for a Company that only closed 2 days of the year; Christmas Day and Good Friday and if the principal had his way, people would be working those days as well. You could put your life-savings on the fact that at 5.15pm on Christmas Eve he would ring up from the South of France, Ethiopia or wherever the hell he was holidaying with his family at the time, to check and make sure everyone was still toiling away in his property management department.

I'll be home for Christmas

You can count on me

Please have snow and mistletoe

and presents on the tree

Well, I’ve had my grouch but one thing I know for sure….after over 40 years in property management, Christmas time in property management-land is no cause for celebration. I think the words of this final carol sum it up perfectly –

Oh, I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas

Mommy and Daddy are mad.

I'm getting nuttin' for Christmas

'Cause I ain't been nuttin' but bad.